Pat's Boating in Canada
The Laws Of Boating
- Any tool, when dropped, will immediately bounce off the deck into the water.
- The probability of being seen is in direct proportional to the stupidity of your act.
- After you start changing the oil, your nose will begin to itch.
- If you have to call the Coast Guard on the VHF, everyone you ever knew heard you.
- If you are on the cell telling the boss you're sick, a boat will immediately roar by.
- As soon as you are have the fuel dock lined up, you'll get hit by a wake.
- As soon as you go in swimming and are completely wet, your cellphone rings.
- The probability of someone you know wanting to raft up increases dramatically if you just stopped for a quiet afternoon.
- When you finally get the mechanic down to your boat to show him what won't work, it will.
- If your boat needs 1.5 metres of water, the only spot left on the dock will have 1 metre.
- The boat immediately upwind will start a generator as soon as you have your plates of food ready.
- If there are only two people in a marina, they will have adjacent slips.
- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, something will need attention until the coffee is cold.
- The chances of a red wine spill hitting fabric upholstery is in direct proportion to how new and expensive it is.
- A 'glass' glass in the cockput will always shatter.
- The quieter the anchorage, the greater the chances that someone will be playing loud music.
- There's always at least one boater who believes the guy who doesn't know what he is talking about. (And yes, always a 'guy'.)
- A closed mouth gathers no feet. (See previous)
- If the boat shoe fits, it's too expensive.
- As soon as you find a marina you really like, they will raise the rates.
- As soon as your boat is old enough to start replacing parts, you will discover they no longer make them.
