The Laws Of Boating

1. Any tool, when dropped, will immediately bounce off the deck into the water.
2. The probability of being seen is in direct proportional to the stupidity of your act.
3. After you start changing the oil, your nose will begin to itch.
4. If you have to call the Coast Guard on the VHF, everyone you ever knew heard you.
5. If you are on the cell telling the boss you're sick, a boat will immediately roar by.
6. As soon as you are have the fuel dock lined up, you'll get hit by a wake.
7. As soon as you go in swimming and are completely wet, your cellphone rings.
8. The probability of someone you know wanting to raft up increases dramatically if you just stopped for a quiet afternoon.
9. When you finally get the mechanic down to your boat to show him what won't work, it will.
10. If your boat needs 1.5 metres of water, the only spot left on the dock will have 1 metre.
11. The boat immediately upwind will start a generator as soon as you have your plates of food ready.
12. If there are only two people in a marina, they will have adjacent slips.
13. As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, something will need attention until the coffee is cold.
14. The chances of a red wine spill hitting fabric upholstery is in direct proportion to how new and expensive it is.
15. A 'glass' glass in the cockput will always shatter.
16. The quieter the anchorage, the greater the chances that someone will be playing loud music.
17. There's always at least one boater who believes the guy who doesn't know what he is talking about. (And yes, always a 'guy'.)
18. A closed mouth gathers no feet. (See previous)
19. If the boat shoe fits, it's too expensive.
20. As soon as you find a marina you really like, they will raise the rates.
21. As soon as your boat is old enough to start replacing parts, you will discover they no longer make them.

Boating Humour